When I came to college, I (unconsciously) had an expectation that I was going to be married with three kids by the end of welcome week, TT for my Belmont gals;)! Or, that when I got to my first class, the man on my right was going to introduce himself and I could tell my kids that I met my husband in business law. It's safe to assume, that did not happen. By the end of my first week, I found myself feeling disappointed that this unrealistic expectation didn't happen and that I was alone. But God has so much more for me.
At the end of my last relationship I found myself heartbroken, unable to see what God was trying to do with me and confused why He was taking this person out of my life. I left our breakup with tears rolling down my cheeks, shouting in my car "Jesus teach me something!" I was at a loss. I couldn't understand. While I didn't get the clear cut answer I was hoping for and my knight-in-shining armor has yet to make his appearance, I heard Him say "trust me."
I know the desires of your heart (Psalm 21:2)
I will never give you anything that you cannot handle (1 Corinthians 10:13)
I chose you (1 Peter 2:9)
I got this (Isaiah 41:10)
And while I'm sure that list would make a beautiful song, and everyone reading that is probably thinking "duh", this is still something I struggle with. The pastor of my home church, Aaron Brockett, once said that "worry is prayer inverted." That couldn't be more truthful. If I was truly trusting in the Lord I wouldn't still be worrying about if I'll meet my husband in college or why the people around me are so happy with their partners, while God took mine away. I was talking through this with a friend and she asked this question "Are you praying about it as much as you talk about it?" Sheesh. But the truth was, I wasn't. While I was talking to God often, it definitely wasn't as often as it crossed my mind or seeped into my heart. When I began to deepen my relationship with God and not just talk about surface level things, but laying out exactly what's on my heart & mind, I finally felt like I could relax. Through this time in my life I can so clearly hear Him say: "Stop trying to fall in love with people and fall in love with me!" I'm learning that if my eyes are fixed on what's in front of me, my eyes aren't on God. My expectations of an Instagram worthy lifestyle and a man to cuddle with this Fall, are keeping me from seeing what God has for me in this season of my life.
I believe that God is good (all the time) and that He is wise. If I truly believe those two things, then I can have faith that He will provide for me, He will show me the way, and that He is capable of immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). It's time to let go of our expectations that are holding us back from fully loving ourselves and investing in our relationship with Christ. Let Him, not your desires and expectations, lead you in this season and see where He takes you. I promise it will be your most rewarding adventure.
If this is something that resonates with you, I encourage you to pray this prayer:
Heavenly Father, I want to know you better. I'm ready to let go of my expectations and give my heart back to you. I can't do this on my own. Help me to look for you throughout my day and remember how faithful you have been. Help me to stop comparing myself to others, knowing that you have created me in your image. Father help me to remember that you have always chosen me & have a perfect plan. Lord, help me trust your timing. Amen.
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.